Men: do your best to pay attention to this shit. If she seems put-off, ask her what’s wrong, in a concerned and respectful tone of voice. She may laugh because nothing’s wrong at all. She may say “nothing” in a flat or even annoyed tone of voice, in which case there is almost certainly something wrong — whether it’s something you did, or just that she’s worried about a friend, or whatever — and you need to tease that out. (Make it clear that it’s ok if she doesn’t want to talk, but make yourself open and approachable so that she can if she wants to.) And she may just say it up front, in which case, again, you need to step back, take a minute to think carefully about what she’s saying, and then respond — don’t immediately step into defensive mode.

There’s one other thing she might do, that happens far too often:

“If you don’t know, then there’s no point telling you”

I kind of get that underlying this is “if you don’t understand why it’s wrong (and therefore can’t figure it out for yourself), then telling you that it’s wrong won’t help” but the effect is not to make that point but just to leave someone (who may or may not actually care, but assume for the moment he does) completely in the dark, feeling got-at, criticised unjustly and resentful.