The fancy-schmancy cook books tell you to soak your onions in cold water, as this will reduce the icky aftertaste and bad breath associated with the stinky bulbs. What they don’t tell you is that when your husband places the plastic-wrapped plastic bowl of swimming onions in the refrigerator so that he can use the already-soaked onions on his next sandwich, salad or other consumable, that same lingering bitter essence which is removed from the onions will be imparted upon every other item in your refrigerator. And on the refrigerator itself, for that matter.

Purified water? Iced tea? Crisp fujis? Low-fat yogurt? Soda cans? No innocence is left unspoiled. Beware the cold-soaked onion, my friends.