i haven’t been by in some months (yay more hip surgery :( and STILL not fixed) but i need to remember to come by more -
cuz that’s me, too. and lots of other people i know.
in my case *specifically*, i am KNOW as the person to invite along, because i don’t *ANYTHING* – i don’t drink or anything like it ALL, and the same people who beg me to come out on weekends ["what could hurt so bad that you can't go and *sit* in a bar?" they ask, and then tell me i'm lying when i yet again try to explain it] are the people who spend the rest of the week calling me a drug addict and trying to get me to give them some of my meds, because if i weren’t an addict why wouldn’t i be willing to give away half of them? my inability to walk WITHOUT taking the damned things doesn’t matter – if i don’t “share” [hello! illegal! i am not going to jail for you!!!] i *must* be addicted.

but hearing it come from the people whose job it is to make sure people who *need* things?
i don’t even know – i mean, OTC meds don’t work on most pains – sure, they help with normal headaches and mild sprains, but HELP is the best they do. that’s just – that is inexcusable ignorance, is what that is.

Very little works to control the pain besides narcotics, and I build up a resistance so fast, I hate it, I have to move up in dosages. Now I’m worried about my memory, but the pain is so bad, and everyone tells me to take the medicine before it gets bad, but I worry so much. (That doesn’t help the pain, of course.)

I’m a junior in college, in the honors program, and love school for the most part. (12 page papers and 8 am Arabic classes – as much I as love learning the language – I can do without.) I’ve never worked a day in my life. I mean, I’ve done volunteer work. I remember thinking of applying for a job at the local grocery store and freaking out at the drug policy signs all around.

The pain isn’t visible to others, so it’s easy to assume I’m faking. (When my eczema explode(d) nobody quibbled – “Ugh, take the drugs!!!”)

I worry about the future – can I hold down a job? Do I qualify for disability if I can’t? What about insurance?

I’m really glad I found your blog and FWD.

Kaitlyn
in pain and debating about taking something and watching the new episode of monk in relative peace

I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now and it breaks my heart to see you say so often a variation of that sentence, “I’m real”. You must felt so misunderstood. I’m sorry.

And about House MD, it’s a terrible show. From the point of view of medicine, of all the patients, of people with disabilities, anything. Personally I hate the way that someone can get away with being so rude.